BIBLE
It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables;
and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of
obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.
- Letters from the Earth
The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives
us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion,
the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
- Letters from the Earth
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but
the medical practice changes...The world has corrected the Bible. The
church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail
of the procession- and take the credit of the correction. During many
ages there were witches. The Bible said so. the Bible commanded that they
should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after eight hundred
years, gathered up its halters, thumb-screws, and firebrands, and set
about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during
nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes
and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their
foul blood.
Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never
had been. One does not know whether to laugh or to cry.....There are no
witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire
is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text
remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books,
but the texts that authorized them remain.
- "Bible Teaching and Religious Practice," Europe and Elsewhere
When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than
at what He doesn't know.
- Mark Twain's Notebook
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Illustration of
Clemens as a prophet
courtesy of
Dave Thomson
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