[EDITOR'S NOTE: These items have not been previously republished elsewhere. They are included in this collection because of their potential to be the work of Clemens and are deserving of further research and consideration.]
ANOTHER CRITICAL OPINION
The Alta having said that the melodrama of Kathleen Mavourneen was superior to the Colleen Bawn or Arrah-na-Pogue, now talks of the "sterling old comedy of Paul Pry, which in the ludicrous situations of the plot and in the point and wit of the dialogue, has few superiors on the stage." Of course everyone is aware that there is nothing meritorious in this "sterling old comedy" but the character of "Paul Pry" -- all the rest is trash. The Alta then explains how it is that Fitz Smythe is so wonderfully funny by saying: "Such a piece and such a cast fill the mind with funny ideas, which will remain for weeks and months." Let the public be prepared. Fitz Smythe's mind is "filled with funny ideas which will remain for weeks and months," and finally break out in leprous blotches all over the local column of the Alta.
We learn that Fitz Smythe was shamefully snubbed by the "Judges of Election" on Monday evening at the Mercantile Library polls. Fitz requested the officers to stop counting the votes in order to furnish him with information as to the state of the vote, which he demanded in his "professional capacity." The judges had the impudence to decline this reasonable request, whereupon Fitz strode away with martial dignity, his moustache curling with wrath. Snubbed! Fitz Smythe snubbed! But not with impunity -- no, never! Seventeen strides, together with a graceful hop-skip-and-a-jump, brought him to the Alta office. In three steps he ascended two pairs of stairs. He grasps from its high place on the wall of the sanctum that eagle-quill reserved for great occasions, and he writes: "Through the courtesy of Major Harney and other gentlemen, not the Judges of the Election, we obtained the following facts at a late hour last evening," etc. "Not through the courtesy of the Judges of Election!" How terrible, how scathing, how annihilating! But revenge is sweet.
[transcribed from microfilm]
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