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Directory of Mark Twain's maxims, quotations, and various opinions:

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CHURCH

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The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example.
- A Tramp Abroad

I've been to the circus three or four times--lots of times. Church ain't a circumstance to a circus.
- "Tom Sawyer: A Play"

The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
- The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
- A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.
- Letter to Henry H. Rogers, 8/7/1905

 

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